Black Love: Choosing to Date and Marry Overcomers: Revised for 2025
Black Love: Choosing to Date and Marry Overcomers
The Importance of Overcoming: A Call to Black Women
Black women today stand at a crossroads, faced with a critical choice in their pursuit of love, stability, and family. The decision of whom to date and marry is not merely a personal one—it has long-term societal consequences. The men YOU choose to align ourselves with shape not only our futures but also the futures of our children and the larger Black community.
It is imperative that Black women seek out and commit to men who embody resilience, perseverance, and the will to overcome adversity. These are the overcomers—men who have demonstrated the ability to rise above challenges, remain steadfast in their convictions, and build legacies of strength and leadership. Historically, figures like Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Booker T. Washington, Barack Obama, Marcus Garvey, and Nelson Mandela exemplified what it means to prevail in the face of systemic barriers. These men were not perfect, but they carried a spirit of tenacity and a drive for progress, not just for themselves but for their communities as well.
THE OVERCOMER OR
Two Choices: Who Will You Choose? THE FORNICATOR
As a Black woman, you have a decision to make: will you align yourself with men of character, vision, and perseverance, or will you settle for those who lack direction, ambition, and the will to stand firm against adversity? The choice you make determines not just your fate but also the fate of the next generation.
Men who do not possess a spirit of provision and resilience should not be entertained, let alone given the privilege of fathering children. To allow such men to procreate is to weaken the community, making it vulnerable to long-term deterioration. For the last four decades, many Black women have deviated from this principle, influenced by media portrayals, social conditioning, and the adoption of Western values that do not serve their best interests. This deviation has led to the elevation of men who are not builders, but instead are enablers of self-destruction.
The unfortunate reality is that many of these men have chosen to succumb rather than stand. Instead of resisting social decay, they embrace it, aligning themselves with destructive behaviors that harm their communities. These are the men who, instead of protecting Black women, degrade them—filming fights instead of breaking them up, glorifying violence in music, and engaging in criminal activity that tears families apart.
Breeding Poverty: The Consequences of Choosing the Wrong Man
When a man who embodies defeatism impregnates a woman, the outcome is almost inevitably an impoverished future for both the woman and her children. Such a man lacks the fundamental traits necessary to lead, provide, and build a stable family unit. Without ambition, a sense of responsibility, or a commitment to personal growth, he leaves his offspring at a severe disadvantage.
A man who refuses to fight against the forces that seek to subjugate his people becomes a tool for oppression rather than a warrior for progress. He turns against his own, becoming the robber, the murderer, and the peddler of destructive substances in his own neighborhood. He does the work of the enemy, perpetuating cycles of violence, addiction, and generational failure.
Do Not Entertain Mediocrity
Ezra 9:12 states, "Now therefore give not your daughters unto their sons, neither take their daughters unto your sons, nor seek their peace or their wealth forever: that ye may be strong, and eat the good of the land, and leave it for an inheritance to your children forever."
Black women who value their future must be discerning in their relationships. Men who have relinquished their integrity and ambition should not be entertained in any capacity—whether as friends, romantic partners, or co-parents. Aligning oneself with such a man is not just a personal mistake; it is a societal misstep that weakens the fabric of the community.
An example from my own family illustrates this principle. When my father initially sought to marry my mother, my grandmother objected because he had dropped out of high school. Recognizing that he needed to be an overcomer, my father returned to school, earned his diploma, and secured a stable career with a Fortune 500 company. His perseverance enabled him to build a strong middle-class life for our family, providing my brother and me with opportunities that we might not have otherwise had. This is what it means to be a man of substance—a man who is willing to put in the work to create a better future.
Beyond Lust: Choosing a Partner with Purpose
A man is more than his physical appeal. Too often, Black women fall into the trap of choosing partners based on superficial attraction rather than long-term compatibility and character. The allure of the so-called "bad boy" or "thug" may be tempting in the moment, but the consequences of such choices can be devastating.
Women who prioritize fleeting passion over stability frequently find themselves burdened with multiple children by men who are neither present nor supportive. This situation severely limits their prospects for attracting and securing a committed, upwardly mobile husband who desires a strong and intact family unit. A productive man seeks a partner who complements his goals, not one who is weighed down by the remnants of poor past decisions.
The Baby Daddy Trap: A Lifetime of Consequences
Perhaps the most compelling reason for Black women to be selective in their choice of a mate is the long-term impact of single motherhood. Once a woman has children by a man who lacks ambition and integrity, she is often left to navigate the difficulties of parenthood alone. While child support may provide some financial relief, it is rarely enough to compensate for the absence of an engaged and responsible father.
Furthermore, many high-quality men avoid relationships with women who have multiple children from previous partners. The reality is that responsible, forward-thinking men do not want the complications and potential conflicts that come with raising another man’s children, especially if the biological father remains involved in a negative capacity.
This dynamic often leaves single mothers struggling not only financially but emotionally, as they find it increasingly difficult to secure stable, loving relationships. The short-term thrill of an ill-advised romance is quickly replaced by the long-term reality of hardship, loneliness, and diminished opportunities for both the woman and her children.
What to Do When the Thug Chases You
I LIKES YA AND I WANTS YA!
If you find yourself pursued by a man who exhibits the traits of a thug—one who lacks ambition, responsibility, and integrity—it is crucial to take proactive steps to protect your future.
Recognize the Red Flags – If he glorifies violence, avoids responsibility, or lacks a long-term vision, he is not a suitable partner.
Set Clear Boundaries – Make it known that you are not interested in men who do not align with your values and goals.
Prioritize Self-Worth – Do not settle for a relationship that diminishes your value and potential. Seek men who uplift, support, and build.
Stay Focused on Your Goals – Continue to pursue education, career success, and personal growth. Do not allow distractions to derail your path.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences – Engage with mentors, community leaders, and like-minded women who reinforce your commitment to dating overcomers.
The Path Forward: Choosing Wisely
Black women have the power to change the trajectory of their communities by being intentional about their choices in partners. By prioritizing men who demonstrate resilience, leadership, and a commitment to self-improvement, they can ensure a stronger future for themselves and future generations.
The responsibility is ours, but so is the power. Choose wisely, and build a legacy of strength, dignity, and prosperity.
KELVIN L. STUBBLEFIELD IS A GRADUATE OF Middle Tennessee State University IN 1983.
HE IS THE AUTHOR OF “AMERICAN REPROBATE: GOD'S CURSE AND RESTORATION OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN”. THAT WAS PUBLISHED IN 2012.
HE AND HIS WIFE SANDRIA, CO-FOUNDED “BIGSTUB CREATIONS” IN 2018. We are a vehicle for creativity! Our mission is to encourage individuals to utilize their artistic expression through the performing arts.
He has recently published his second book in November 2023.
STAYING HUMAN: EXAMINING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOD, MAN AND ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE”.
Biblical, Spiritual, and Social Analysis and Solutions to Black Americans and Mainstream AMERICAN Dysgenics, Narcissistic Self Indulgence, and the Current Politics of Self Annihilation. Amidst the dawning of Artificial General intelligence and Trans-Humanity.
YOU CAN PURCHASE HIS PUBLICATIONS OR LEARN ABOUT OUR NEXT PROJECT; YOU CAN VISIT THE FOLLOWING WEBSITES.
https://www.klstubblefield.com/
Staying Human
https://www.bigstubcreations.com/
https://loveintheblack.blogspot.com/
https://lovingmyhumans.blogspot.com
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