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Ghetto wedlock

Ghetto wedlock


Young and not so young black men are leading the charge in a new form of marriage called baby mammas . This is how black men with arrested development establish pseudo legal bonds with a woman through the child in order to gain long term legal access to the woman via the child, and at the same time attempt to take that woman off the social market completely or reduce her chances of obtaining a productive husband in the future., thus bringing her life and activity under his sphere of influence potentially for life.

Baby mamma status allows the black reprobate male to claim some possession of the woman he impregnated while at the same time reducing his spiritual, emotional, and financial responsibilities and obligations to that woman and his seed 

Welfare and child support laws are a double edged sword, they say that child support equalizes this arrangement by forcing payments to the mother on behalf of the child. But many women can tell you that child support is woefully inadequate when compared to actually being legally married to the child's father, and that father actually PROVIDING spiritual , emotional and financial support and being present in the day to day lives of his child.

I worked in the welfare industry and I myself had children out of wedlock. I worked very hard to be in my sons lives  on a regular basis  and I paid over $100,000 in child support through the courts for my 2 sons. At one point I actually sought custody but was unable to do so. I also provided additional support on my own when they came to visit, which I had to go through the courts to get because the mother tried to deny me visitation because she was bitter and angry that I refused to stay with her. However it does not replace actually being there every day and because of that my relationship with my 2 sons is not as close as it should be, especially with my youngest son. My 2 sons are currently 21 and 20 years of age today as I write this post. 

I dated their mother for over 11 years. I was 22 when we met and she was 29. I was unable to marry her because she was violent and emotionally unstable. But because I was not a mature man at the time I was hooked on her sexuality and the fear of being alone. I believe this is what is driving many young brothers into the beds of many women today. I later married another woman whom we have been married for 15 years and have an 11 year old daughter together.. So I have been on both sides of this equation. I have expressed to my sons my regrets of not being present in the home while they were growing up. 

However many men are not present, not because of some major emotional or psychological problem with the women. But because they just don't want to commit. They want to play and try to keep that woman around as a play toy by getting her pregnant. 


Having a baby mama has become a badge of honor among many young inner city men as well as those who are not on the inner city. Many young brothers brag about the number of baby mammas they have because they feel it validates their manhood. Baby mammas in many cases are a form of economic support for these brothas they know in many cases they have limited marketable skills in this economy. Many of them have criminal records and on their own have a hard time obtaining gainful employment. Nor are they able to procure public assistance from the government in the form of public housing, food stamps and welfare payments because they have committed certain crimes. 

This leads them to seek out women who  CAN obtain these benefits, sex them up, impregnate them and live vicariously through his baby mama. She risks losing her public assistance by illegally allowing him to stay in her federally subsidized home or apartment or by illegally using or purchasing her food stamps. He on the other hand gets to forgo his obligations of being a legitimate provider. He lives of the government through her. He gets to take showers, watch television, eat food, purchased by food stamps, run up electric bills and at the same time not have to be primarily responsible for those expenses. He uses the entitlement programs of the woman for that. 

He also limits the woman's opportunities for finding a productive husband. She can't go out on a date because he is in the home with her. Yet he is not the head of the household, and therefore not obligated to provide the things the head of the household provides. He is basically an adult child with a grownup penis. 

The baby daddy

The flip side of this ghetto union is the woman who becomes pregnant. Government programs foster and encourage many women to become pregnant in order to obtain financial benefits, such as WIC, Section 8, food stamps (SNAP) and AFDC payments and of course Medicaid.

Many women are of course sex crazed and are attracted to depraved men. She WANTS to have his baby, because for the woman with arrested development that bounds her to him. She likes his thug swagger, and in many cases she wants to force him to be with her and the child. She puts the obligation of provision not on him, but own the government and taxpayers.  They ( the government) are the ones in her eyes who are obligated to take care of her and her 4 and 5 kids not the live in thug. She needs the thug for sex, fun, companionship, and maybe other vices such as drugs and alcohol and of course more babies. 

She is totally misguided in her thinking. She believes she will always get to feed at the public assistance trough so the live in thug is not pressured to provide as much as he should. However this trend is changing. Welfare reform acts are now limiting the financial benefits for these women. Public and affordable housing is diminishing in many cities around America . The pressure is being put on the woman to now be the provider.




This pressure is a major factor in the increasing violent behavior that is manifesting among African American women. She now is taking on a man's spirit, yet her emotional make up is still feminine. She still has feminine hormones and biological cycles. Yet she is now forced to take the role that was intended for her husband. This has caused a fierceness and anger to incarnate into the black women's spiritual psyche. She is violent, loud , cantankerous and feels entitled to be so.
Society allows her to be this way because it further destabilizes the black nation and accelerates it's decline. This type of behavior is now being glamorized in popular culture.  

Television shows such as Basketball Wives, Love and Hip- Hop and other reality base shows promote black female aggression as a rite of passage. These overly sexualized and vain women are portrayed as super divas supposedly the epitome of black beauty and femininity are now encouraging black women to use violence to solve their problems. This will lead to more black women being incarcerated which will leave black children without their mother and their father. 

Blacks need to embrace real love and real marriages. They need to be able to COURT one another without the pressure of being sexual. They need to VALUE each other’s humanity. 

K.L. Stubblefield is the Author of the book 
American Reprobate: God’s Curse and Restoration of the African- American



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