Life with an Abuser
Life with an Abuser
When I was 22 years old I met a woman in a nightclub that would alter my life forever. I was young and lonely and horny. This woman presented herself to me in a very forward way. She literally stared me in the eye for 15 to 20 minutes from across the room. It made me a little uncomfortable but at the same time excited that this woman was giving me so much attention, something I was not use too at that time because I was a 6 3' 180 lbs nerd at that time. I had lost my virginity a year and a half earlier to a woman who also presented herself to me, this woman actually knew me from high school and she one day decided to call everyone in the city with my last name in order to find me. Remember this was the early 1980's there were no cell phones or Internet so this lady went thru the phone book. Fortunately the first Stubblefield in the phone book was my now late grandmother Angeline Stubblefield. So when this woman called her she gave her MY phone number and when we met it eventually led to the loss of my virginity at age 21 .
I was a shy man, still am today, although not as severely as I was then. I point out these two women to show you that I was a man of weak will. I did not impose myself on others because of my shyness, but I readily accepted other women who showed an interest in me, whether I was attracted to them initially or not.
Going back to the first woman I mentioned , she of course developed a sexual relationship with me, which in the beginning was very exciting. She had legs like Beyonce a beautiful smile and a soft sexy voice. I thought I had hit the mother load. I had spent 4 1/2 years away from my home town in college so when I met this woman I felt like a stranger in my own home town. I didn't know her reputation but I was unfortunately going to find out.
This lady was extremely sexual, we had sex literally everyday. One time we had wild sex so much that the skin on my penis became raw and peeled from all the friction of heavy petting and penetration for hours at a time. Without realizing it I was being conditioned by this older woman.
This woman later showed me a great deal of disrespect, mainly by flirting with other men when we were out together. One instance was so bad that the other man looked at me as if to say are you going to put this woman in check!!!? I'll never forget that man's face because it was at that point I started growing some balls. I didn't fight the woman but what I decided to do was date other women and not put all my eggs in her basket. That is when the dynamic of our relationship turned for the worse.
Once I started going out with other women and she found out about it she got more possessive and later became violent. I was taught growing up to be a gentleman and to not hit women no matter what , so I would take the punches , the scratches, the public humiliations, the cursing outs, etc. Because I still loved her sexuality and I didn't want to be alone. So the abuse continued for another 3 to 4 years without me retaliating. I would just do my best to leave her presence, usually with her kicking me in the behind or throwing a shoe or other object at me on my way out the door. I was an abused MAN.
The abused man was not and is not considered real by society. Men of course are stronger than most women so we are laughed at if we complain about being abused. It was definitely not something to be proud about in the 1980's. Knowing this I decided after 4years of getting punched I was going to fight back and I did. Now our relationship took on a whole new dysfunction. When she hit me I hit her back and the brawls became a staple of our relationship. I of course would win the fight physically but spiritually I was losing. I was slowly being corrupted sexually and socially. This woman cultivated some of the worse qualities in me that I have ever experienced. I actually realized this when 7 years after losing my virginity, the woman I lost it too returned to town and we met at park one night. Now she was a sweet girl and although our relationship lasted for about 7 to 8 months , it really didn't end badly so we didn't have any animosity toward one another. We talked and I told her about my current relationship and she realized how much I have changed. She asked me what happened to that sweet Kelvin I used to know and love. I callously told her " He was gone".
I make this confession about my love experience to make a point on how living with strong willed people who have maladjusted concepts of life can alter your humanity. Had you ever asked what life would be if there was no serpent in the garden of Eden. What would this world look like today. Only God will be able to reveal to us what exactly was lost, when sin entered our realm.
When our African ancestors were kidnapped and brought to these shores our humanity was altered forever, right down to the genetic bio-molecular level. Our experience amongst the heathen Gentiles here in America has caused a spiritual dysfunction in us that will never be remedied in this dimension or age. We black Americans are a TRANS- HYBRID version of our original design. We are something else, whether we want to accept it or not our life here in America has changed us in ways we cannot imagine.
Our very atmosphere, our personal and collective spiritual aura is mired with so much self-hatred, that a psychosis has developed. we really do need to find ways to stay away from each other in mass lest we ignite the internalize need to self destruct that was implanted into our spirit by the Babylonian white supremacist global world order construct.
It's like when two people who were in a violent relationship reunite it then incites more violence. Our national psyche is damaged. This is evident especially in our younger generation. The toxin is beginning to have an effect because we are slowly robbing ourselves of our antidote, which is learning who WE really are and who really is our TRUE GOD, AND FORGING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
Everything blacks have done and our doing in America is a result of imposition of another people on our will. We exist in the overall white supremacy vacuum here in America which is the center of it's military power. We have been for a long time now SWALLOWED UP! We're in the Matrix and we want desperately to escape. We are Jonah inside the belly of the great fish and are awaiting to be spewed out.
~~Power Alters Human Nature
Power alters the human psyche. It imposes on the human will. Bending it and forcing it to conform to a construct that it deems beneficial to it's well being while being detrimental to the person who was forced to acquiesce.
Cumulative power imposed on an individual or a group for long periods of time will alter that person or group genetically over time forcing a metamorphosis. Transforming the person or persons into a hybrid formation diverse from it's original design. Power in the hands of evil men will always look to IMPOSE not cooperate. Because in many cases those who desire power at any costs tend to be sociopaths and psychopaths.
White supremacy / globalization represents that power source that alters humanity around the world. It seeks to transform the world into an entity that benefits their interests at the expense of non whites and also other whites who are to be sacrificed by any means necessary in order to insure it's continued survival.
In times past escaping the influences of white supremacy was somewhat easier than it is now. However with the advent of modern warfare, psyops, nuclear weapons, drones, space based weapons satellites and white supremacy's ultimate weapon , MASS MEDIA PROPAGANDA, it is extremely difficult not to be influenced by it's wicked energy.
I liken white supremacy to a star or sun that is in it's death throes, those planets that are closet to it's power are the most affected by it's toxic energy. Those who are farther removed are the least affected but they are affected as well because they are still within it's orbit.
Black Americans represent the planet closest to the death star of white supremacy , we were pulled into it's gravitational force and were captured in it's event horizon like a planet is captured into a black hole.
If one studies black holes they know that black holes alter the physical makeup of the planet before it devours it. It rips and pulls at the planets core as it is being drawn into it's event horizon. The universal spiritual dysfunction that is affecting the psyche of all African Americans today is a result of being drawn into the vortex of white supremacy. Other nations suffer as well but African americans are at the front line. Of this vortex and have been altered the most by it's power.
Shield and Separate
In order to reduce the influence of the white supremacy psycho-toxin that poisons everyones minds including whites. It is necessary to as much as possible fill ones mind with biblical, spiritual, and universal truths and train your mind to accept such truths by continued study and acquisition of knowledge. This will act as a shield against the evil spiritual onslaught that is constantly being propagated in this world. This is part of the process that Paul discusses in Ephesians 6
Ephesians 6:10-18 (KJV)
10[Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.] 11[Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.] 12[For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high ] places[.] 13[Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.] 14[Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;] 15[And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;] 16[Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.] 17[And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:] 18[Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;]
It is necessary for everyone to do what Paul has described in order to overcome white supremacy / globalization. It is not enough just to say you hate white supremacy, because deep in your spirit you are still influenced by it. You operate your life within the parameters that white supremacy globalization lays out for you. To overcome you will have to shield your mind from the fiery darts of Satan , who is the author of white supremacy religion, and you have to cut down and purge yourself of all the poisonous psycho-spiritual toxin that was injected into your belief systems by this devilish system.
It is deep, one must be constantly vigilant of all the spiritual weaponry that is constantly hurled at you. In many cases without you being cognizant of it. I said before mass media is now the number one weapon of choice. Turn on the tv and you are bombarded with images that mold your mind and programs you on a subconscious level. This is why God commanded us not to make any graven image because we unconsciously conform to the spiritual energy that image generates. YOU MUST AT ALL COST BE AWARE OF THAT WHEN VIEWING TELEVISION OR MOVIES. KNOW THAT YOU ARE VIEWING IMAGES.AND YOUR MIND IS PROGRAMMING YOU IN RELATION TO THOSE IMAGES VIEWED UNLESS YOU IMPUT ANOTHER SPIRITUAL SUBROUTINE WITHIN YOUR BRAIN/computer to negate that programming. You conform to whatever you behold in your spirit Paul stated in 2nd corinthians the following:
2 Corinthians 3:18 (KJV)
18But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
Next, as best as possible we must remove ourselves from people, places, or things that would have us submit to the global white supremacy apparatus. One area that has been extremely toxic for example is medicine. No one Wields more power over us than someone who has authority over our physical body, with our consent of course. Now I am not saying don't go to doctor if you are ill or hurt. But one must be aware that medicine is a huge part of the global white supremacy apparatus. You have to as best as possible order your life to a point where you have a limited need for conventional medicine. I personally know this is very difficult to do in America because there is so much poison in our culture, from the food we eat, the water we drink, the pollution in the air and the stress of trying to earn a living in a corrupt oligarchical economy that is designed to wear the human body down that many will be forced to seek out medical assistance at one time or another in ones life. However we must as best as possible learn about our bodies., they are our vessels for our spirit. This includes me as well as you the reader. We have to be on a constant search for ways to improve our health and if we are stricken with an illness find natural remedies and cures in order to help our bodies heal. Not every doctor or nurse is constantly looking to harm you or me, but they are unfortunately working within the parameters of a wicked global healthcare system that requires them in many instances to prescribe treatments and medicines that can cause us harm. We must be aware of that, it is important for you to learn as much about your particular malady as that doctor you are visiting, because doctors are forced to take on enormous caseloads and they have to resort to quick diagnosis in order to service those large caseloads. This is not necessarily YOUR doctors fault, but you must understand that when he makes his diagnosis. You have to be his partner in order to get the best service possible. But in the end you must be your own best doctor and acquire as much knowledge as possible. This is an example of how you separate and shield. Yourself from the global white supremacy construct. Because it is everywhere even in your doctors office.
Various forms of power are everywhere. Our lives are molded by it whether for good or evil. We counter act power by our choices and reactions. Christ demonstrated this when he was tempted by Satan. He chose to resist his evil power and not allow himself to be conformed into a design that would cause him to fall. He countered Satan's assaults with "it is written."
K.L. STUBBLEFIELD IS THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK "AMERICAN REPROBATE: GOD'S CURSE AND RESTORATION OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN.
You can order my book on
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1466900237/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader_1466900237
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/k.-l.-stubblefield
http://www.booksamillion.com/p/American-Reprobate/K-L-Stubblefield/9781466900233
https://play.google.com/store/books/author?id=K.+L.+Stubblefield
http://bookstore.trafford.com/Products/SKU-000476702/American-Reprobate.aspx
When I was 22 years old I met a woman in a nightclub that would alter my life forever. I was young and lonely and horny. This woman presented herself to me in a very forward way. She literally stared me in the eye for 15 to 20 minutes from across the room. It made me a little uncomfortable but at the same time excited that this woman was giving me so much attention, something I was not use too at that time because I was a 6 3' 180 lbs nerd at that time. I had lost my virginity a year and a half earlier to a woman who also presented herself to me, this woman actually knew me from high school and she one day decided to call everyone in the city with my last name in order to find me. Remember this was the early 1980's there were no cell phones or Internet so this lady went thru the phone book. Fortunately the first Stubblefield in the phone book was my now late grandmother Angeline Stubblefield. So when this woman called her she gave her MY phone number and when we met it eventually led to the loss of my virginity at age 21 .
I was a shy man, still am today, although not as severely as I was then. I point out these two women to show you that I was a man of weak will. I did not impose myself on others because of my shyness, but I readily accepted other women who showed an interest in me, whether I was attracted to them initially or not.
Going back to the first woman I mentioned , she of course developed a sexual relationship with me, which in the beginning was very exciting. She had legs like Beyonce a beautiful smile and a soft sexy voice. I thought I had hit the mother load. I had spent 4 1/2 years away from my home town in college so when I met this woman I felt like a stranger in my own home town. I didn't know her reputation but I was unfortunately going to find out.
This lady was extremely sexual, we had sex literally everyday. One time we had wild sex so much that the skin on my penis became raw and peeled from all the friction of heavy petting and penetration for hours at a time. Without realizing it I was being conditioned by this older woman.
This woman later showed me a great deal of disrespect, mainly by flirting with other men when we were out together. One instance was so bad that the other man looked at me as if to say are you going to put this woman in check!!!? I'll never forget that man's face because it was at that point I started growing some balls. I didn't fight the woman but what I decided to do was date other women and not put all my eggs in her basket. That is when the dynamic of our relationship turned for the worse.
Once I started going out with other women and she found out about it she got more possessive and later became violent. I was taught growing up to be a gentleman and to not hit women no matter what , so I would take the punches , the scratches, the public humiliations, the cursing outs, etc. Because I still loved her sexuality and I didn't want to be alone. So the abuse continued for another 3 to 4 years without me retaliating. I would just do my best to leave her presence, usually with her kicking me in the behind or throwing a shoe or other object at me on my way out the door. I was an abused MAN.
The abused man was not and is not considered real by society. Men of course are stronger than most women so we are laughed at if we complain about being abused. It was definitely not something to be proud about in the 1980's. Knowing this I decided after 4years of getting punched I was going to fight back and I did. Now our relationship took on a whole new dysfunction. When she hit me I hit her back and the brawls became a staple of our relationship. I of course would win the fight physically but spiritually I was losing. I was slowly being corrupted sexually and socially. This woman cultivated some of the worse qualities in me that I have ever experienced. I actually realized this when 7 years after losing my virginity, the woman I lost it too returned to town and we met at park one night. Now she was a sweet girl and although our relationship lasted for about 7 to 8 months , it really didn't end badly so we didn't have any animosity toward one another. We talked and I told her about my current relationship and she realized how much I have changed. She asked me what happened to that sweet Kelvin I used to know and love. I callously told her " He was gone".
I make this confession about my love experience to make a point on how living with strong willed people who have maladjusted concepts of life can alter your humanity. Had you ever asked what life would be if there was no serpent in the garden of Eden. What would this world look like today. Only God will be able to reveal to us what exactly was lost, when sin entered our realm.
When our African ancestors were kidnapped and brought to these shores our humanity was altered forever, right down to the genetic bio-molecular level. Our experience amongst the heathen Gentiles here in America has caused a spiritual dysfunction in us that will never be remedied in this dimension or age. We black Americans are a TRANS- HYBRID version of our original design. We are something else, whether we want to accept it or not our life here in America has changed us in ways we cannot imagine.
Our very atmosphere, our personal and collective spiritual aura is mired with so much self-hatred, that a psychosis has developed. we really do need to find ways to stay away from each other in mass lest we ignite the internalize need to self destruct that was implanted into our spirit by the Babylonian white supremacist global world order construct.
It's like when two people who were in a violent relationship reunite it then incites more violence. Our national psyche is damaged. This is evident especially in our younger generation. The toxin is beginning to have an effect because we are slowly robbing ourselves of our antidote, which is learning who WE really are and who really is our TRUE GOD, AND FORGING A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
Everything blacks have done and our doing in America is a result of imposition of another people on our will. We exist in the overall white supremacy vacuum here in America which is the center of it's military power. We have been for a long time now SWALLOWED UP! We're in the Matrix and we want desperately to escape. We are Jonah inside the belly of the great fish and are awaiting to be spewed out.
~~Power Alters Human Nature
Power alters the human psyche. It imposes on the human will. Bending it and forcing it to conform to a construct that it deems beneficial to it's well being while being detrimental to the person who was forced to acquiesce.
Cumulative power imposed on an individual or a group for long periods of time will alter that person or group genetically over time forcing a metamorphosis. Transforming the person or persons into a hybrid formation diverse from it's original design. Power in the hands of evil men will always look to IMPOSE not cooperate. Because in many cases those who desire power at any costs tend to be sociopaths and psychopaths.
White supremacy / globalization represents that power source that alters humanity around the world. It seeks to transform the world into an entity that benefits their interests at the expense of non whites and also other whites who are to be sacrificed by any means necessary in order to insure it's continued survival.
In times past escaping the influences of white supremacy was somewhat easier than it is now. However with the advent of modern warfare, psyops, nuclear weapons, drones, space based weapons satellites and white supremacy's ultimate weapon , MASS MEDIA PROPAGANDA, it is extremely difficult not to be influenced by it's wicked energy.
I liken white supremacy to a star or sun that is in it's death throes, those planets that are closet to it's power are the most affected by it's toxic energy. Those who are farther removed are the least affected but they are affected as well because they are still within it's orbit.
Black Americans represent the planet closest to the death star of white supremacy , we were pulled into it's gravitational force and were captured in it's event horizon like a planet is captured into a black hole.
If one studies black holes they know that black holes alter the physical makeup of the planet before it devours it. It rips and pulls at the planets core as it is being drawn into it's event horizon. The universal spiritual dysfunction that is affecting the psyche of all African Americans today is a result of being drawn into the vortex of white supremacy. Other nations suffer as well but African americans are at the front line. Of this vortex and have been altered the most by it's power.
Shield and Separate
In order to reduce the influence of the white supremacy psycho-toxin that poisons everyones minds including whites. It is necessary to as much as possible fill ones mind with biblical, spiritual, and universal truths and train your mind to accept such truths by continued study and acquisition of knowledge. This will act as a shield against the evil spiritual onslaught that is constantly being propagated in this world. This is part of the process that Paul discusses in Ephesians 6
Ephesians 6:10-18 (KJV)
10[Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.] 11[Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.] 12[For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high ] places[.] 13[Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.] 14[Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;] 15[And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;] 16[Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.] 17[And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:] 18[Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;]
It is necessary for everyone to do what Paul has described in order to overcome white supremacy / globalization. It is not enough just to say you hate white supremacy, because deep in your spirit you are still influenced by it. You operate your life within the parameters that white supremacy globalization lays out for you. To overcome you will have to shield your mind from the fiery darts of Satan , who is the author of white supremacy religion, and you have to cut down and purge yourself of all the poisonous psycho-spiritual toxin that was injected into your belief systems by this devilish system.
It is deep, one must be constantly vigilant of all the spiritual weaponry that is constantly hurled at you. In many cases without you being cognizant of it. I said before mass media is now the number one weapon of choice. Turn on the tv and you are bombarded with images that mold your mind and programs you on a subconscious level. This is why God commanded us not to make any graven image because we unconsciously conform to the spiritual energy that image generates. YOU MUST AT ALL COST BE AWARE OF THAT WHEN VIEWING TELEVISION OR MOVIES. KNOW THAT YOU ARE VIEWING IMAGES.AND YOUR MIND IS PROGRAMMING YOU IN RELATION TO THOSE IMAGES VIEWED UNLESS YOU IMPUT ANOTHER SPIRITUAL SUBROUTINE WITHIN YOUR BRAIN/computer to negate that programming. You conform to whatever you behold in your spirit Paul stated in 2nd corinthians the following:
2 Corinthians 3:18 (KJV)
18But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
Next, as best as possible we must remove ourselves from people, places, or things that would have us submit to the global white supremacy apparatus. One area that has been extremely toxic for example is medicine. No one Wields more power over us than someone who has authority over our physical body, with our consent of course. Now I am not saying don't go to doctor if you are ill or hurt. But one must be aware that medicine is a huge part of the global white supremacy apparatus. You have to as best as possible order your life to a point where you have a limited need for conventional medicine. I personally know this is very difficult to do in America because there is so much poison in our culture, from the food we eat, the water we drink, the pollution in the air and the stress of trying to earn a living in a corrupt oligarchical economy that is designed to wear the human body down that many will be forced to seek out medical assistance at one time or another in ones life. However we must as best as possible learn about our bodies., they are our vessels for our spirit. This includes me as well as you the reader. We have to be on a constant search for ways to improve our health and if we are stricken with an illness find natural remedies and cures in order to help our bodies heal. Not every doctor or nurse is constantly looking to harm you or me, but they are unfortunately working within the parameters of a wicked global healthcare system that requires them in many instances to prescribe treatments and medicines that can cause us harm. We must be aware of that, it is important for you to learn as much about your particular malady as that doctor you are visiting, because doctors are forced to take on enormous caseloads and they have to resort to quick diagnosis in order to service those large caseloads. This is not necessarily YOUR doctors fault, but you must understand that when he makes his diagnosis. You have to be his partner in order to get the best service possible. But in the end you must be your own best doctor and acquire as much knowledge as possible. This is an example of how you separate and shield. Yourself from the global white supremacy construct. Because it is everywhere even in your doctors office.
Various forms of power are everywhere. Our lives are molded by it whether for good or evil. We counter act power by our choices and reactions. Christ demonstrated this when he was tempted by Satan. He chose to resist his evil power and not allow himself to be conformed into a design that would cause him to fall. He countered Satan's assaults with "it is written."
K.L. STUBBLEFIELD IS THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK "AMERICAN REPROBATE: GOD'S CURSE AND RESTORATION OF THE AFRICAN AMERICAN.
You can order my book on
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/1466900237/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader_1466900237
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/k.-l.-stubblefield
http://www.booksamillion.com/p/American-Reprobate/K-L-Stubblefield/9781466900233
https://play.google.com/store/books/author?id=K.+L.+Stubblefield
http://bookstore.trafford.com/Products/SKU-000476702/American-Reprobate.aspx
Or go to Trafford publishing .com and type in the title
AMERICAN REPROBATE
AMERICAN REPROBATE
very good article. I was greatly moved. Thank you!
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